


Press the Reset

by ddelusionall



Category: JYJ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Bondage, Dom/sub, Hair-pulling, Homophobia, Jaejoong is an Idol, Junsu is his manager, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, POV First Person, POV Kim Junsu, Physical Abuse, Punishment, Rough Sex, Secret Relationship, Self-Hatred, Soul-Searching, Spanking, Violent Sex, Watersports
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-08
Updated: 2010-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:06:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23913547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ddelusionall/pseuds/ddelusionall
Summary: To everyone else, Jaejoong is a lost cause. To me, it's a matter of being employed or not. Okay, and I may be sort of a fanboy anyway. The kid is a dick though. So I'm either going to save his singing career or end up killing him. Or end up loving him.
Relationships: Kim Jaejoong/Kim Junsu (JYJ)
Kudos: 1





	1. Rescue Me

**Author's Note:**

> I am importing my stories from LiveJournal. The original fic can be found [here](http://be-ddelusionall.livejournal.com/).
> 
> I haven't read this story in a long time, so I may have missed some tags. Just let me know if I did.

**Warning: Physical abuse in this part**

I have a confession to make.

I am in love with Kim Jaejoong.

Not that it’s so surprising. I mean, it’s Kim Jaejoong. The boy is incredibly attractive, and has a wicked mouth and an even wickeder body. I was excited when I saw his audition. He had a wide vocal range, and he looked the part of pretty boy idol. Well, he could have looked that part if his hair wasn’t long and his skin not tattooed. When asked though, Jaejoong sang a rock song, and just like that, Lee Sooman decided to branch out into rock music.

He debuted as “Hero”, and he literally rocked. His voice was gravely and then pure, and then sexy. I watched him from the sidelines and grew more and more infatuated with him as he slowly destroyed himself through alcohol and arrogance.

I wasn’t surprised when I was called into Lee Sooman’s office and told that I was going to be a manager for Kim Jaejoong. The boy changed managers like most people change socks.

“Junsu-shi, you managed to keep Kim Heechul from destroying his career. Do the same with Jaejoong.”

And that was the totality of my meeting.

I moved into Jaejoong’s apartment that night, despite his protests.

“Look,” I told him while trying not to stare at his exposed chest (He refused to put on a shirt). “You’re lucky you’re such an amazing musician. You’re lucky you’re so attractive. You’re lucky you’re making Lee Sooman a lot of money, because honestly, your attitude isn’t worth it. I’m not telling you to change who you are, because the fans love Hero. but if you don’t start acting more like Kim Jaejoong and a little less like an idiot, then you’re career is going to tank before it even starts.”

He scoffed at me and went to his room. Which was fine by me.

I spent the night memorizing his schedule for the next two weeks. He had a lot to do. I wondered if he found time to sleep. He had been in high demand since his debut, but that didn’t mean he had to kill himself to promote his album. One of Heechul’s main problems was due to lack of sleep.

I don’t know if he slept. In the morning I called for some take out for him to eat. He really was too skinny.

He sauntered into the kitchen at a little after six am. All he wore were red sweat pants. The edges of his hipbones jutted out from the top. His piercings (both nipples and navel) glinted in the morning light. His long blond hair was ratty, falling just past the tattooed skin of his shoulders. I had a desperate urge to brush it.

Of course, then the kid opened his mouth and destroyed any remote semblance of attraction I may have had for him.

“Now this is more like it,” he said when he saw the food and coffee ready for him. “About time they sent me someone who knows they’re my slave.”

I smacked the back of his head.

“What the fuck, bitch!” he said, turning around with eyes flaming.

“If you’ll remember,” I said, almost in his face. “I am ten years older than you.”

“So? I’m better looking and a star. What the fuck does--”

This time I slapped his face.

I think he was too shocked to do anything.

“Eat your breakfast. You have an interview at seven-thirty and you are not going to be late.”

He opened his mouth to protest. With a smirk, I reached forward and twisted his pierced nipple, pulling a gasp from him. “You are always late, and when you’re late, you make things difficult for everyone around you. I’m going to teach you respect, even if I have to beat it into your skin.” With one more twist that made him gasp, I let go. “Now, eat.”

I sat back down at the table, arms crossed. He watched me. His eyes calculated me, trying to figure out what the fuck I was. I wasn’t a pushover. I know he was used to getting his way.

With a final sniff, he turned and filled up a plate full of rice. I think he ate more than he should have as a bit of rebellion, but honestly, he was too skinny. I wasn’t sure when he was going to eat again that day, so I kept my mouth shut. And he smirked like he got away with something.

Compared to Heechul, Kim Jaejoong was going to be easy.

He was a bitch all day. Whining, demanding, mean. I couldn’t hit him in public, but after a particularly rude comment to a girl at a radio station, I dragged him to a bathroom, made sure it was empty and slapped him a few times, screaming at him.

Again he smirked, because he thought I was losing my cool, thought he was getting to me and that I would be gone in a few days just like the rest of them.

I was exhausted by the end of that first day. The first week was hell.

We fought constantly behind closed doors. He shouted at me, and only once raised his hand back to me, but I snagged his wrist and twisted it, until his body was on the floor and his face against my arm.

“I have a black belt in kung fu,” I told him. “Don’t piss me off.”

“Oh, but you can piss me off,” he said and tried to buck me off him.

“Yes. I can. Who are you going to bitch to about it?”

“Fuck off. Get off me.”

I stood up and released him. “Go to bed. You need to sleep.”

I turned my back on him and went to my own room. Being that close to his body, feeling his energy on my skin was not a good thing. I passed off the lust as starstruck.

The next week, his band quit.

I wasn’t surprised. No one was surprised. Except for him. His activities were put on hold, and Hero was lost.

♪♪♪♪♪

Lee Sooman did not drop him, nor did he cancel his contract. But only because I begged him not to. I begged him to give me two months. Two months and Jaejoong would be different, be better.

“Fine. But in two months, if he’s not ready, you’re both fired.”

I went back to Jaejoong’s apartment with a firm resolve, and found a very drunk Jaejoong passed out on the couch. With a sigh, I woke him up, cleaned up the throw up on the floor and on his face and body. I put him in new clothes and then put him to bed.

I sat on his bed, back against the wall and watched him sleep.

Kim Jaejoong had a hard life. He’d been in an orphanage until he was eight. A wonderful family with eight older girls adopted him, changed his family name, and his identity. But he resisted a lot of those changes. He loved his sisters. And he talked about them during interviews all the time. His adoptive parents were cool, too, he’d say. But I knew the struggles they had with him as he grew into his teens. When he was sixteen, he tried out and was accepted into SM Entertainment. And now at nineteen, finally able to debut, only to have it ripped away from him, I wasn’t surprised that he’d gotten drunk.

A few hours into the night, I got up to take a shower.

When I was done, I panicked, because Jaejoong was not in the apartment. I called his cell. He sent me a text to fuck off, and I paced as night was replaced by dawn. At almost five, Jaejoong stumbled in, another man wrapped around him, their lips together. Jaejoong had a hand shoved in the other man’s pants and he was begging the man to fuck him.

I stepped up to him, grabbed his arm and pulled them apart.

“Where the fuck have you been?” I demanded to Jaejoong.

“What do you care?” He stuck his tongue out.

I turned to who I recognized as Yoochun, another SM singer. He smiled, said hello, and then Jaejoong was screaming at me while I tried to talk to Yoochun. Jaejoong punched my arm, and I twisted and slapped his face. He reeked of alcohol again.

“I hate you!” Jaejoong screamed, and lunged for me.

I blocked his charge easily, grabbed his arm and knocked him to his knees. I kept his arm twisted behind his back. He whimpered, trying to move. I yanked his arm, pulling a cry from him.

I looked over at Yoochun. “Get out.”

He nodded, and hastily back peddled.

Jaejoong was bent over, his other hand on the floor trying to support him as I lifted his arm even more.

“See this?” I said. “Bowing. You do it when you’re introduced to someone, or to show respect. Somewhere along the line, you forgot about this. And if I have to reteach you then I have to reteach you.”

“Fuck you,” he muttered.

I pulled on his arm again. His other hand came off the floor and I easily grabbed it. I pushed a knee into his back until his face was against the floor.

“This? This is called groveling. On your knees, face to the floor. You should become really familiar with the floor.”

He gasped, probably trying to tell me to fuck off. His voice hitched midway and turned into a cry. His back heaved with heavy breaths.

“Lesson learned?”

He didn’t say anything. I got off him. “Get up and go clean yourself up.”

I moved away from him and went to the kitchen. I heard him get up, and then a few minutes later, the shower started. I thought about making breakfast and then shook my head. Jaejoong wasn’t going to feel good enough to eat it. He’d need sleep first.

There was more news about Hero. More news and speculations about his future. SM Entertainment was refusing to comment on his behavior.

I sighed and went to Jaejoong’s room. Even through the closed door, I could hear him crying. I turned the knob (I’d removed the lock the week before).

“Leave me alone,” he shouted and threw something at me, but it went wide and thunked against the door.

I moved into the room, to his bed and sat on the edge of it. He curled up as far away from me as he could.

“Just ... leave me alone ...”

“I can’t do that, Jaejoong.”

“Your job, I know. Bull shit. You wouldn’t care if it wasn’t.”

“If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t have been in Sooman’s office this afternoon pleading your case.”

He sniffed and his body stilled.

“He’s ready to kick you out. And good riddance. But I asked him to give you some time.”

“So nice of you. I’ll start packing.”

“If you don’t straighten up, then I lose my job too.”

“Like I said. You wouldn’t care if it wasn’t your job to care.”

I opened my mouth and then shut it. Because honestly, if I debated that, then I’d probably confess to him.

He was quiet. His alarm suddenly started beeping. Six am. I shut it off, and then climbed into his bed. He stiffened, but didn’t protest as I curled up behind him, and put an arm around his waist.

“Go to sleep, Jaejoong.”

His breathing turned to gasping as he tried not to cry.

I slept only briefly. I woke up about three hours later when he moved. He sat up, legs crossed, facing away from me. His sweat pants rode low enough that I could see the top of his ass crack.

My fingers itched to touch it. I rolled away from him and climbed from the bed.

“You have twenty minutes to come out for something to eat.”

“I-I’m not hungry.”

“I don’t care. Twenty minutes.” I left the kitchen. I ordered take out. And watched the time. At twenty one minutes, I went back to his room.

He was where I left him.

“I told you to come out and eat.”

“Fuck off.”

“You really don’t get this do you. I’m the only thing standing between you and a future entertainment career.” I moved slowly into his room. “One would think you would listen to me.”

“What if I don’t want to do this anymore?”

I shrugged even though he couldn’t see it. “Then go. You’re too troublesome. You’re a bastard. You treat people like your slaves. You have no sense of self respect or self worth and you take it out on those around you.” I kneeled on the bed and shuffled over to him while I talked. “You’re an amazing singer, Jaejoong. And when you put your mind to it, you’re an amazing composer. But drop the attitude, or no one will ever work with you again. Now come and eat.”

“I said I wasn’t hungry.”

I smirked at his back. “I was sort of hoping you’d say that.” Before he could react, I grabbed his long hair and yanked. He cried out as he fell to his back, hands going to my wrists trying to lessen the pressure. I heard a few hairs rip as I moved off the bed and dragged him across it.

“You fucking bitch! Fucker! Let go!” He kicked his legs and tried twisting, and then tumbled off the bed, landing hard on his hip. He screamed when I didn’t loosen the hold on his hair. He tried to grab me, but I yanked his head back. His hands went back to my wrists. His pained gasps echoed through the room.

“Come and eat or I drag you there by your hair.”

“Fuck off,” he said through gritted teeth.

I turned and started walking. He resisted and I twisted my wrist. He whimpered and then like a good little pet crawled after me to the kitchen. I released his hair as soon as we were in the kitchen. He stayed on his knees and curled in on himself, rubbing his head.

“Eat,” I said, “or do I have to force you to do that too?”

“I hate you,” he muttered.

“I don’t hate you,” I said. “If I hated you, I would have left the minute everyone else did. Now sit at the table and eat, or should I put your food on the floor like a dog?”

He very slowly rose and moved to a chair. He took a couple bites, and I knew he was having trouble swallowing, and if he wasn’t careful, he’d puke most of it back up. He was really hungover.

I sighed and got up. I poured him a cup of coffee and sweetened it with the creamer he liked. I set it down, and then took the plate from him. He didn’t protest, but I felt his eyes on me as I dumped his food into a container for later, and then only put a few scoops of plain rice on the plate.

“Here. Just eat this to help absorb the alcohol in your system.”

I sat across from him and waited until he was done eating the rice. He stood up, and I cleared my throat.

“What?” he said, very snappy.

“I didn’t say you could leave, did I?”

“No.” He put his dishes in the sink (which was good) and then he left the kitchen.

He took another shower and when he was done, I was in his room waiting for him. I stood in the middle of the room with my arms crossed and watched him slip on a pair of cotton sleep pants.

When he tried to move past me to the bed, I put my hand on his chest. There was a small struggle which I won. He turned fiery eyes to me. “Let me go.”

“No.”

I steered him over to the bed. His body shivered, and I wondered what he was thinking I was planning on doing to him. I liked that he was scared. That meant I was getting to him. But I didn’t want him to be afraid of me.

“Sit,” I said and pushed his shoulder. I sat on the edge of the bed, and he sat on the floor in front of me.

Before he could turn around to demand what I was doing, I picked up the brush I had laid on the bed and attacked the ends of his hair with it. The next noise out of his throat was one of surprise and his whole body stiffened. I brushed the lower half, careful to make sure all the tangles were out. And then even after I had brushed it all, I continued.

“Are you going to braid it now?” he asked snidely.

I twisted a chunk in my hand and pulled until his neck was bent. He hissed and then was quiet. I turned him, met his eyes and said, “Can I?”

He snorted. “Sure. It’s not like I haven’t had my hair braided before.”

“You miss your sisters?” I asked as I released his hair. I parted it down the middle and started braiding. He didn’t say anything, but his breathing changed.

I braided only one half of his hair and then focused on the tattoos on his shoulders. There were treble clefs and music notes, and an unfinished measure, notes fading from black to the color of his skin. He explained during an interview once that life was an unfinished melody and only the life's holder could dictate what notes came next.

Jaejoong loved music. He always had. I moved the hair from his shoulders completely and slowly traced the designs. He shivered.

“Don’t fuck this up, Jaejoong,” I whispered. “You’re getting a second chance.”

“Whatever.”

I gripped his ear in my fingers and twisted. He winced, but said nothing. “You need to sleep.” I let go of his ear and patted his cheek.

His lip curled in a snarl, but he didn’t say anything. He twisted away from me and climbed into the bed. I rose and turned the light off, shut the curtains and then joined him in bed.

“Why are you sleeping with me?” Jaejoong demanded, shifting and trying to find a comfortable spot when I pushed right against him.

“Because I want to.” That wasn’t a lie.

“What if I don’t want you to?”

“Then ask me not to. Don’t demand it. Don’t tell me. Ask me to leave and I will.”

Jaejoong huffed, and then rolled on his side away from me.

I smiled at his back, mirrored our position from the night before and held him as he fell asleep.

If I thought I had influenced him, the next night proved me wrong.

“No!” he shouted. “I’m not going!”

“You have to.”

“No, I don’t. I’m not a star anymore, I don’t have to work out.”

I sighed. “You’re still a star. ‘Rescue Me’ is still being played on the radio every hour or two. You still have fangirls out waiting outside for your autograph.”

“Well, they’re all assholes. I’m not going.”

It was hard to get Jaejoong to work out when he was performing. I should have known this was going to be impossible.

I had hoped that our physical confrontations would slack off after awhile, but it seemed like they were increasing.

“What about you, little prissy boy?” Jaejoong snapped.

I immediately slapped him for his tone, and he raised a hand to slap back. I grabbed his wrist, yanked him down and a way from me until he was on his knees on the floor again. He landed hard with a cry.

“If you were stronger, you might actually be able to break away from me.”

He growled until I twisted his arm, and he broke off to whimper.

“You’re going to kill me,” Jae said. “You’re crazy and deranged.”

I laughed. “You’re the one that keeps thinking you can take me.”

I was already dressed and ready to go when Jaejoong had come out of his room in nothing but sweat pants (really, the kid never wore a shirt). Our fight started, and I kicked out the other managers who’d come to do a logistics meeting. I had a badge around my neck with my ID on it that let me into the building. I took it off with one hand, keeping a firm grip on his wrists with the other one. He tried to break away, but quickly I wrapped the lanyard around his wrists.

I had nothing to tie his feet with but he had stopped struggling.

I walked around him. His chest heaved with deep breaths, his head lowered, hair falling around his face.

“Under other circumstances, it’d be sexy to have you tied up and at my mercy.”

He snorted. “Let me go,” he said, trying to get free.

I slapped him. His head whipped to the side and my hand actually stung. I hadn’t ever hit him that hard. His tongue darted out and licked up blood from his lip.

“You’re an asshole, Jaejoong. Stay there.”

His chest rose and fell in a deep breath. “Yes, _master_.” Sarcasm dripped form his voice.

“Ah, so you’re finally learning.” I turned and left him there. I went to the bathroom because having Jaejoong tied up and at my mercy was sexy as hell. I left him there for twenty minutes. I did not jerk off as much as I wanted to.

When I went back to the living room, he was still on his knees. I stopped at the door and watched his body jerk.

I walked in front of him and then dropped to my knees. He froze when I reached around him and released the bindings. I should have jerked off.

“Stop fighting, Jaejoong,” I whispered.

He did not look up as he whispered, “May I be excused, Junsu-shi?”

I pondered him for a moment and then nodded. “Yes.”

He pushed away from me, stood up and practically ran out of the living room.

♪♪♪♪♪

**Rescue Me by Hero**

If you get close to me  
don’t blame me if you’re hurt  
if you want next to me  
don’t run away in fear

My heart can be yours to have  
but you’ll share it with the world  
When you fall in love with me  
don’t blame me if you’re hurt

I don’t need you  
to rescue me  
I am fine on my own  
I don’t want you  
to rescue me  
but don’t leave me alone

If you want to lay in my bed  
don’t try to tame my soul  
If you want to be in my heart  
don’t run away in fear

I can be yours to have  
If you can withstand the pain  
but when you fall in love  
I will not take the blame

I don’t need you  
to rescue me  
I am fine on my own  
I don’t want you to rescue me  
but don’t leave me alone

You’re addicted to me  
You can’t leave me  
But I don’t need you  
don’t need you  
need you  
need you

I don’t need you  
to rescue me  
I am fine on my own  
I don’t want you to rescue me  
but don’t leave me alone  
don’t leave me alone  
don’t leave me  
don’t leave  
leave


	2. Press the Reset

**Warning: Really kinky dirty violent sex in this part including watersports**

Jaejoong was subdued for two days. We barely spoke to each other. Not that we talked a lot before (unless you counted screaming at each other). Jae grudgingly did as he was told. We still fought, but they were more battles of wills, staring contests when he tried to be defiant. I only slapped him when he opened his mouth, and since everything out of his mouth was acrimonious and condescending, I slapped him a lot. He stopped talking to me completely.

But because of his attitude, I still had to get physical with him sometimes, force him to his knees until he complied with what I wanted him to do. After the next week, we settled into a routine of breakfast, morning stretches, voice lessons (which he hated and thought were pointless) and then a three hour weight and aerobic routine. Lunch was eaten when he had a moment, and then we had dinner. I made him learn how to cook. I made sure he was in bed before midnight.

Every time he went to his room or tried to sleep, I curled up with him. Jaejoong hated being alone. So I never left him alone.

A week went by when he wasn’t featured in a paper for doing something outlandish. And then two weeks. By the end of the first month, he was writing music again.

“J-Junsu hy-hyung,” he said one afternoon, and I jerked almost as if he’d slapped me, because he never called me hyung.

“Yeah, Jae?” I made it a habit to shorten his name, because I liked it, and he said it annoyed him..

“I ... will you ... come and ... I wrote a song.”

I knew he had been, but I hadn’t let on that I knew. He had started getting up in the middle of the night to write. I feigned sleep a lot.

"Really? Awesome.”

“Yeah ... I ... I want you to listen to it.”

“Okay.” I stood from the couch and followed after him, my eyes on the way his back muscles moved. He’d filled out. The scrawniness of his muscles had given away to litheness. His shoulders were broader, and that waist was so thin. But now it wasn’t because he was sickly.

It was hard not to touch his body. I only allowed myself to feel his skin when we went to bed, and that small waist was mine to hold.

He let me sit at his keyboard, and then he held out his headphones. I listened to the song. It was definitely good. A bit rusty in some areas, but I found myself nodding my head to the beat. I looked up when it was done. He was staring at the floor, lower lip caught between his teeth. He gripped one wrist in his hand.

I listened to it again, this time humming along to the chorus.

“I like it,” I said.

“Really?”

“Yes. And I’m not just saying that. It’s really good.”

“T-thanks, hyung.”

I took the headphones off and said, “Just before your hook, it’s a bit awkward. If someone were to play that on the guitar, it’d feel ... uneven. Try changing the beat a little. Think of the bass line, or the drum beat. Longer instead of shorter. I think that will work better.”

He looked up, eyes wide, and then nodded. I moved while he sat down and put the head phones on and started adjusting the music. I didn’t leave the room, didn’t leave his presence. I followed the notes on the screen, even though I couldn’t hear them. Almost unconsciously, I put my hands on his bare shoulders. Really, this kid never wore a shirt unless he had to.

Not so unconsciously, I played with the ends of his hair with my fingers. Flipping them, twisting them, and before I knew it, I was running my fingers through the length, up to his scalp. He moaned once, and I scratched his scalp. I had a sudden thought of pulling on his hair while our skin pressed together. I gasped and moved away.

He didn’t say anything, or turn, or anything. His shoulders were stiff. I left the room and went to the bathroom. Eyes shut, leaning on the door. I gripped the necklace around my neck. The image of his skin against mine while his hair curtained our faces would not go away.

A tiny bit of me knew that this was not good. As attractive as Jaejoong was, I knew that I could not get into a relationship with him. I would lose my job.

♪♪♪♪♪

Lee Sooman loved his song, and the next one. By the time, the two months were up, Jaejoong had four new songs, and Lee Sooman finally decided to start another group with him.

But it wasn’t going to be Hero, plus a band. It would be, the band. It took a few meetings and discussions during which Jaejoong was polite and considerate (very unlike the first meeting). Sooman seemed pleased. Finally, the other members were decided on: a guitarist named Jungmo, a drummer named Siwon and a bassist named Jaejin.

They had no name, but Jaejoong was so excited about singing and performing again. His old habits about treating his band mates like shit only surfaced a few times, but usually all I had to do was say his name in admonishment and he’d apologize and try again. The four of them melded together, wrote music together. I felt a little jealous when the four of them moved in together. I was still in the same building, on the same floor, with the other managers, but it wasn’t the same.

We didn’t have a lot of time to worry about it though. Within three months, they were ready to debut, again. Of course, the media and netizens were comparing this Jaejoong to the last Jaejoong and it was all about his different attitude, and different band and Jaejoong answered a lot of questions.

He was polite, he was nice. He no longer looked strung out or dirty when he showed up to interviews.

It made me happy. But I missed him.  
  
♪♪♪♪♪

One day, after the insanity that was the debut of _Reset_ , I actually found myself alone with Jaejoong. The boys had a break between variety show appearances. Siwon and Jungmo had gone out with Heechul, and Jaejin was visiting his parents. The other managers were in our apartment. Jaejoong had asked me to come over and I wasn’t about to say no. He’d discovered that he was a pretty decent chef, so he made me dinner.

We sat on the couch after, his head in my lap. I ran my fingers through his hair. He had been told to cut it and refused, the only bit of rebellion left in him. I didn’t mind. I loved his hair.

“Hyung?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for ... you know, not giving up on me.”

“You’re worth it, Jaejoong.” That wasn’t really what I wanted to say, but it was true.

He shifted until his face was pressed against my stomach and his arms were around my waist. “I miss you,” he said, muffled.

“You miss being smacked around and yelled at? You’re a bit of a masochist, aren’t you?”

He buried deeper into my body and there was more muffled talking, but he only told me to fuck off.

I put my arms around him and leaned over him. My lips pressed against his bare shoulder (really, he needed to learn to wear shirts). “I miss you, too,” I whispered.

He sighed and held me, and then we shifted again until we were cuddled on the couch and his face was buried on my chest. I traced the lines and words of his tattoo, eventually running my fingers through his hair.

“Hyung?”

“Yeah?”

“I think I like you.”

I chuckled, because that was just like Jaejoong. Straight to the point. Abrasive. “Yeah, me, too.”

His arms tightened around me.

There were a lot of reasons running through my head why this wasn’t a good idea including the age difference and the fact that I was his manager, but I didn’t care that much. I had spent two months alone with him, and spent the last three jerking off to thoughts about him.

“Hyung?”

“Yeah?”

“Now what?”

“What do you mean, now what?”

He turned his head so he could meet my eyes. He shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve never liked anyone before.”

I grinned. “Are you going to try to play all coy and innocent with me?”

He snorted. “No one would fall for that, and even you’re not that clueless.”

“Especially after that impromptu kiss with Jungmo the other week?” I said with a raised eyebrow.

He looked sheepish. “Heat of the moment?” he said, making it a question.

I smiled. “Fangirls went a little nuts.”

“Yeah.”

“I went a little nuts.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really, because it wasn’t fair that he got to kiss you and I didn’t get to kiss you.”

Jaejoong pushed up, eyes wide. “Oh my god, Jungmo said you were mean to him that day. After the show. He thought it was because you wouldn’t approve of the fan service.”

I looked away and he started laughing. “Shut up,” I muttered.

He laughed more, and then before I realized what I was doing, I twisted his nipple ring. It worked, as it always got him to shut up, but then our eyes met and it was different.

I kept my fingers on the piercing. My touch soft. His eyes fluttered shut as I rolled the barbell around my fingertips. He swallowed. I hadn’t seen him so conflicted in months.

“I don’t want you to get in trouble,” he said quickly.

“I won’t.”

“Yes, you will. One of Heechul’s managers revealed their relationship and he was fired. I ... I don’t want you to not be my manager anymore. I don’t really trust anyone else.”

“I know.”

He hadn’t opened his eyes. I thought for a moment that I could be strong, because he was right. Leeteuk had been fired immediately when his relationship with Heechul was discovered.

Then Jaejoong’s tongue peeked out from the corner of his mouth and any self control I had shattered. I leaned forward and pressed my lips against his. Jaejoong whimpered, his hands clutched at my shoulders, and his leg suddenly wrapped around my hips. I wanted to tear his sweats off, run my hands over his skin and lick around his tattoos and piercings.

Instead, I broke away from the addicting heat of his lips and gasped.

“Hyung,” he said and tried to kiss me again.

“I’m not going to just jump into bed with you, Jae,” I said and grinned at his pout. I touched his lower lip with my fingers and he tried to lick them. “I can lose my job and I want to make sure you’re worth it.”

His pout deepened. “I … I’m sorry, hyung.”

“For what?”

He buried his face into my chest and mumbled, “For being a bitch.”

I held him tightly against me. “You learned, and it’s over. I won’t hold it against you or judge you because of something you’ve done in the past.”

His body started shaking.

“Jae?” He shook his head against me, so I shifted until we were more comfortable and held him while he soaked my shirt in tears. I waited until his body stilled and his gasping breath steadied. I lifted his face with firm fingers on his chin. His eyes were puffy and blood shot. With a gasp, he shut them, and another stream of tears dripped down his face. I kissed them away and kissed his closed eyes and then his nose, and cheeks and chin.

“Hyung,” he said and pushed me.

I didn’t move but covered his mouth with mine and kissed him again until his body was shaking from lust instead of tears.

“Hy-yung,” he moaned and his leg wrapped around me.

I chuckled. “No,” I said and moved his leg. I pushed him until he sat up, arms crossed. “Did you make dessert?”

“Have me for dessert.”

“No.” I shoved him again, and he stood up with a sigh. I smacked his ass.

“That’s considered foreplay in my book, so now you have to fuck me.”

I stood up and put my arms around his waist, walking with him to the kitchen. “A single smack to your ass is foreplay? Then what do you call a half hour being restrained and abused and teased and denied release.”

Jae smirked at me and kissed my cheek. “Heaven,” he said and then moved out of my arms.

We had pudding for dessert, and we ate it off each other’s spoons.

♪♪♪♪♪

Despite Jaejoong’s attempts to seduce me and his attempts to make me speed things along, I moved slow. We kissed for hours, we touched and hugged and talked. Everywhere we went, I was aware of the danger of us being discovered. And to prepare, I started giving the other managers more responsibilities. I wasn’t stupid. I knew we’d get caught eventually. Jaejoong hadn’t been happy about that, but he wasn’t stupid either.

Just horny.

“Please, hyung, god,” Jae whispered against my neck. “Please. I am so tired of jerking off.”

I chuckled. “Does that mean you don’t want to stroke me off?”

He yanked away from my body, pushing up with hands on my bare chest so he was straddling me. “Can I?” His eyes filled with an eager light and I almost came when he licked his lips.

“Yes. Just stroking.”

“Good enough,” Jaejoong said and stripped us both of our sweats.

“You--”

“No. You are going to touch me,” Jaejoong said. He grabbed my wrist and forced my hand on his hard cock.

I laughed again and stroked up. He sighed and then thrust into my hand. “Fuck, hyung, just … fuck.” He grabbed my cock and stroked me and I swore with him. He fell back over me and our lips met. We kissed, shuddering and moaning, until Jae broke away with a gasp and come splattered on my stomach.

His head hung low and his hair brushed my chest.

“Let me suck on you, Hyung,” he whispered, slowing his strokes.

“No.”

He pouted up at me and then with a devilish smirk, leaned down and licked up his come from my chest. His hand twisted and the sight and that feel had me coming into his hair and onto his shoulder. He chuckled and brought his hand up to his mouth to lick my come off.

I growled, sat up and ended up letting him suck me off.

The first time we had sex it was because I couldn’t stop it anymore. I wanted him, I needed him and he needed me. The band was making a comeback with a mini-album the next morning, but I didn’t want to wait anymore. I wanted him before his life went hectic. It was nothing fancy, just a desperate need at three in the morning. I figured there’d be time for fancy after his debut.

Reset earned a triple crown on Inkigayo. They won twelve awards for their song “Trying Again.” Their fandom skyrocketed.

It was during a celebration with all the managers and the band members that we almost got caught. Jaejoong had been laying down with his head in my lap. After a knowing look, he said he was going to the bathroom. I didn’t realize that I wasn’t the only one who saw it. I went after him only a couple minutes later.

Our lips were attached and our bodies flush when Jae stopped and said, “Someone is watching us,” so quietly that I barely heard him.

When I broke away from him and rushed to the door, footsteps quickly retreated. Fortunately, it was only Sungmin, a lower level manager and a bastard. I pinned him to the wall of the hallway and erased the video from his phone. I threatened his job and he meekly went away.

“Maybe we should stop this, hyung,” Jaejoong said.

I shook my head and pulled him close, risking the intimacy in the open. “I can’t do that, Jaejoong.”

“Why not?”

“Because I love you.”

Jaejoong swallowed and his eyes went wide. “Huh?”

His surprise was almost cute. I smiled and kissed him softly. “I love you. And I couldn’t stop this if I wanted to, which I don’t. Now, let’s go make an excuse and get someplace private.”

We went back to his apartment, knowing time was short, but I didn’t care. I whispered ‘I love you’ into every inch of his skin until he was crying and whispering it back.

♪♪♪♪♪

When _Reset_ was given vacation time, I made sure that the managers were allowed to go with them. I knew it would be hard to get Jaejoong alone with all of us there, but I also knew it would be suspicious to only go by myself.

I needn’t have feared so much.

Turns out that in a game of Truth or Dare, Jaejoong had revealed our relationship to his band members and they were more than happy to give us some alone time.

I came home from a little grocery shopping, expecting to have a mad dash of hungry stomachs attacking me for the cookies in the bottom of the bag, but the apartment was quiet. I yelled a hello and Jaejoong’s voice filtered into the kitchen. I followed it, and found him practically naked on my bed. A pair of black boxer briefs stood out starkly against his pale skin. He was already hard and rubbing his hand over the bulge.

“Hi, hyung,” he said, and then licked his upper lip.

My legs moved me to the bed automatically. “Where is everyone?” I asked and then kissed him because I didn’t really care. We were alone.

His hands settled on my hips and I took his wrists and pinned him to the bed. I hadn’t been able to really dominate him in the last few months, but every time we had time to be alone, I could tell he wanted it. He needed it.

“What do you want, Jaejoong?” I said and bit down on his lower lip.

He moaned.

“Do you want me to kiss your skin and caress your body, maybe stroke you until you whisper my name as you come, or do you want me to tie you up and spank your ass until it’s pink and then fuck you without any lube?”

“Oh, fuck,” Jae said and his eyes rolled back. “That, fuck … that. The second one.”

I put both of Jaejoong’s wrists in one hand and then unbuckled my belt with the other. It hissed as I pulled it from the belt loops and Jaejoong shivered. I had so many options I didn’t know what to do, which one to pick. I wondered how long I’d have with him.

I wrapped the belt around his wrists as tightly as I could. He had two weeks of vacation, the marks would fade before he had to be on TV again.

“Fuck, hyung.”

I put my face almost against his and said, “I think you should call me master.”

His eyes filled with anticipation and then he shut his eyes, lowered his head a bit and whispered, “My apologies, master.”

Lust made my body shake. I moved away from him and then dragged him to the edge of the bed.

“Over my lap, naughty boy.”

There was more to do, more to play and I knew I was speeding this along, but I couldn’t help it. I wanted him so much. I wanted him below me and at my mercy and this time, I wanted him to want it, too.

He almost fell over, but caught himself on the bed with his bound hands. He bent over my lap, ass in the air, feet planted, and I wished I’d bound them too. His skin was flush with want, but his ass was no where near red enough. I spread his cheeks and watched his puckered entrance beg for me. I dribbled a mouthful of spit onto his hole and he moaned, whining as I rubbed it over and up and around with my thumb. I pushed it into his ass, barely and he panted.

“Master,” he whispered, needy.

“You do not have permission to speak,” I said and slapped his ass.

He whimpered, shifting. His hard cock pressed against the underside of my knee. It couldn’t have felt good, scraping against denim.

I continued teasing with that thumb, in and out, but never deep. I played until it dried out and then forced the thumb into him one more time, hooking it against the rim and pulling him open.

He whimpered and moaned and humped my leg.

“Count them,” I said, “In English.”

I spanked him.

He let out a shaky “one”.

I rubbed the sting away from the first slap and then did it again. He let out an eager “two”.

“How many do you deserve?”

“More than that,” he said with a laugh.

I spanked him hard for his tone.

“Three, master,” he said, humor still in his voice.

After that, I didn’t give him a chance to talk. I spanked him until his ass was red, until his thighs were red and shaking, until I felt precome soaking into the denims of my jeans.

He lost count in English at thirty-two. I lost count long after that.

“Master! please! Please!”

 _Spank_ “Please what?” _Spank_

“I need to come _Spank_ please. I …” _Spank_ He body shook and the telltale sounds of come splattering on the floor echoed through the room. I spanked him on more time and then pushed him to the floor. He landed hard on his hip. I leaned back on my hands and said, “Clean it up, you naughty boy.”

Jaejoong shivered and moved his head and licked up the come from the floor. My cock pulsed in my jeans. There was something I loved about watching Jaejoong lick up come.

“Take my shoes off,” I said.

“Yes, master,” he replied, voice still breathy. His body kept twitching, and I caught a glance at his cock. It hung, still heavy, between his legs, with a stream of come dangling from the tip.

His bound hands only impeded his movements slightly. He peeled my shoes off and then my socks.

“Stay there,” I said and rose. My body was strumming with anticipation. I wanted to be naked and against his skin, but I wanted to play with him more. I went to our suitcases and found a few silk ties.

He hadn’t moved and I carefully walked back to him. He shivered when the ties traced over his skin. And then he whimpered when I put a tie around his eyes.

“Lift your arms,” I said.

He did and I put his heads behind his head. I wrapped the tie with the belt over and over again so he couldn’t put his arms down and he was blindfolded. He whimpered.

“Up on the bed,” I said.

Without his arms, he almost fell over, but I steadied him. He whispered a thank you to me and then kneeled on the bed. I put my hand on his back, between his shoulder blades and pushed his upper body to the bed. He couldn’t turn his head.

I let the ties trace over the sore skin on his ass. “Naughty boy,” I whispered. “Spread your legs.”

He did and with no warning I shoved part of the tie into his ass. He moaned and when his body tried to expel it, I pushed in more.

“Hold that for me, baby.”

Jae whimpered, but this time the tie stayed, his ass clenching around it.

I looped the end of a tie to one wrist and then pulled it tight until I could wrap it around his ankled. I did the same to the other.

“You’re so beautiful, Jaejoong,” I said and then pushed more of the tie into his ass.

He cried out.

“Do you want more, naughty boy?”

He froze and I don’t blame him. I doubt he’d ever had a tie shoved in his ass. But then those brown eyes fluttered shut and he nodded, “Please, master.”

I smirked and spanked his sore ass. He let out a startled whimper, and then a groan as I spanked him again. I reached between his legs and stroked his cock a couple times. He whined and thrust back. I took the very end of the tie and going mostly by feel, tied it tightly around the base of his cock. He shivered and then whined when I used my fingers to push more of the tie into him. I fucked him with it, in and out, in and out until the entire thing was in his body and wet with sweat and fluids. I shoved my fingers in with it, rotating and prepping him like I normally would. It was hot and dirty and just because, I leaned down and added my tongue to the fun, soaking the tie with spit. Jaejoong tasted addicting.

Jae moaned and whined and then his body shook and he screamed. and then tried to collapse.

I pulled my tongue and fingers away. I yanked the tie out of him and then tugged on is harshly, abusing his cock.

He whimpered.

I hooked my hand around one of his arms and pulled him up enough so I could hear him. “Jaejoong, do you need a safeword?”

He swallowed and shook his head. “No … I … fuck … no. Just …”

“What is your safe word?”

His mouth opened and he licked his lips and then said, “Heterosex.”

I laughed. “Serious?”

He nodded.

“Makes sense,” I said and tugged on the tie again. “When you don’t want any more you have to think of the grossest thing.”

He tried to smile. I quickly untied the tie from his cock and then wadded it up. “Open your mouth,” I said and he did without question. He gagged on the tie as I shoved it into his mouth. I pushed until only a the end was hanging.

“Keep that, but if it’s too much for you later, you can spit it out.”

He nodded and I let him go. He fell back to the bed.

He really was gorgeous all restrained like this with his entrance stretched and wide. I played with the rim with my fingertips. I had a sudden desire to piss all over him, but I knew that I was going to have to wait. I didn’t need that kind of hotel bill to pay.

I finally unbuttoned my pants and pushed them down to his thighs. I stroked my cock with one hand while still playing with his hole on the other. It clenched as Jaejoong shivered.

I moved behind him and let him feel the heaviness of my cock against his body.

He whined around the gag and thrust back. I held his hips and let the tip of my cock touch his hole. The bit of precome spread and I pressed in. He wasn’t stretched enough to take me raw, but I knew he wasn’t going to protest. I pushed in a bit me. He cried out and his body tightened around me, trying to expel me. I thrust forward instead.

He practically screamed.

I ran my hand over his sore skin, inching my way into his body. I stopped and spit on him, just above my cock. I rubbed it into his skin and then pushed a slicker finger into his hole with my cock.

His breath echoed in the room and I realized he’d spit the gag out. I was a little disappointed, but I had told him he could.

“Master,” he gasped.

“Yes, my naughty boy.”

“Please fuck me, please. Please.”

I pushed a few more centimeters into his ass. He moaned.

“I … master, I’m … I’m going to come, I … I want to come with you completely inside me, please.”

“There’s still a lot of me to take. Are you sure you can’t wait?”

He whimpered and thrust back. It was my turn to moan as he pulled his hips forward and then back again, taking more of me. Screaming and twitching.

I grabbed his hips tightly and retreated. He whimpered when I pulled out of him completely.

I slapped his ass. Hard.

“I … I’m sorry, master, please. I’m s-sorry.” He was actually crying and it made my skin tingle.

I wrapped my hand in his hair and yanked back. He fell to his side. I thought of dragging him back to his knees, but then had a better idea. I released the tie from his ankle on this side and lifted his leg high. I slammed three fingers into his body.

He moaned and then twitched, precome pulsing from his hard cock. I took the fingers and put them in his mouth. His tongue wrapped around them, licking and sucking, begging with moans. I fingerfucked him again, adding my pinking for good measure. His ass was sore, the rim of his entrance bright red from abuse.

I put his leg over my shoulder and then slouched down enough to shove my cock back in his ass. This time I didn’t stop. I didn’t tease. I thrust into him, all the way, pulling back only after my body had touched his. I bent his leg more, impossibly far.

He cried out at the stretch. I held myself up with a hand on his side and then wrapped my hand around his cock. After only three strokes he was screaming and coming and covering the bed in white. His body tightened around me and twitched as I continued to fuck him at this angle. The scrape against my cock felt amazing. I wanted to come inside him, I wanted to come in his mouth. I wanted to come over his body. I wanted to see him completely covered in me. Again I wondered how much time I had.

My body shook as my orgasm approached. If anything I wanted to see his face covered in my come. I waited until the last moment and then pulled out. I moved to the side, stroked myself and came in his mouth and over his cheeks and neck. When I was done, I spread the come around his face and into his mouth. He licked at my fingers, moaning and whispering his thanks.

As soon as I had my breath back, I untied him, but left the blindfold on. I kissed around it and didn’t protest when he held me tightly.

“You’re a kinky son of a bitch, master,” he said.

I laughed and then slapped his ass. “I am. Come on. Let’s get you cleaned up.” I led him off the bed and he walked in front of me, shaking because he was still blindfolded. I held onto his hand and then smiled when a tiny trickle of red dripped down his ass. I ran my finger up the cleft and then push it into his body. It came out red. I slid it through the come on his face and then into his mouth.

“Oh, fuck,” he whispered and then licked my finger clean.

“You’ll be alright,” I said and slapped his ass again.

“I know.”

In the shower stall I told him to kneel and then washed the come off his face with my piss. He eagerly opened his mouth and lickedmy cock while I peed on him. As my cock grew hard again, I knew I probably should have waited. I thrust into his mouth and he jerked back in surprise. I finally took off the tie. He blinked his eyes against the light and then looked up at me. Tired, pleasured and yet his wide eyes held an innocence to him that I don’t think he’d ever lose. I gripped his head and fucked his mouth harder until my body pushed against his face.

“Play with yourself,” I said, voice labored. I moved to the side and watched as he bypassed his cock and shoved fingers into his abused ass. It wasn’t what I meant, but after a single whimper, his cock grew harder. He used his position to lift himself up and down on his fingers. More red dripped to the tub. I growled and yanked him up.

“Turn around,”

He did eagerly. I spread his ass and my mouth watered at the raw entrance. I hooked my fingers on the edges and pulled, really spreading him. His head fell to his arm on the wall.

“Stroke yourself,” I demanded and then shoved four fingers into his body. I fucked him a bit longer and then pulled them out, licking them clean of blood.

I thrust into his body again, quick hard and he whimpered, hand flying faster. This orgasm flew through me, so fast and before I knew it I was filling his ass, adding come to the mess already there. I pulled out and watched it slip pink down his thigh. I scooped some up and moaned as I licked my fingers clean. I gave him the next finger-full and he moaned.

“Do you need to come again?” I asked.

He mewled and nodded.

“And what should I Do to you to help you come?”

He bit his lower lip, looking unsure. “You won’t …”

“I won’t what.”

He met my eyes and said, “Hit me.”

I smirked. “I like hitting you, if you’ll remember.”

He shivered and dropped to his knees. His hand never faltered on his cock. I pondered him for a moment as he tilted his head back and after a few seconds, his cheeks flushed and he started to look down. I slapped him before he could. He whined, hips jerking up. I used the back of my hand for the next strike and his head jerked back. I split his lip and he tongued it, whimpering. I slapped him again, and then again until his cheek was red and tears leaked from his eyes. I marveled at how he managed to keep stroking himself.

“Open your mouth, naughty boy,” I said and he did. I shoved my fist into his mouth and he gagged on it and then took deep breaths through his nose while I fucked his throat. He cried out, throat tightening and then his body shuddered and warmth splattered on my legs.

I removed my hand from his mouth and then slapped him one more time. “Who’s the kinky bastard?” I asked.

He sort of smiled.

I finally turned around and started the shower. I shivered when his mouth pressed against the curve of my ass.

“Master,” he whispered.

I made a noise to show I was listening.

“Take care of me?”

I spun around and dropped to my knees in front of him. I cupped his face in my hands and kissed him. Hot water streamed around us and mingled with his tears.

“Jaejoong, I will always take care of you, no matter what you need.”

He hugged me tightly.

We washed each other down, and I carried him back to bed. He curled around a pillow when I left him long enough to turn the lights off.

When Jungmo woke us a few hours later, panic in his eyes, I knew we were caught. Jaejoong knew we were caught, but he clung to me even as the other managers berated me. I resigned from SM the next week, even though Jaejoong tried to get me to stay. A few weeks later, we were caught kissing by the media. Everything was crazy, everything was hectic and people scorned us and others praised us.

I wasn’t sure why I was surprised when Jaejoong and I broke up. It took a few drunken lonely jerk off nights to realize that our relationship would never be normal, had never been sane, and that Jaejoong needed someone stronger than me, someone that was a little less in love with him, someone that wouldn’t spoil him so much.

I destroyed my career and my reputation for him, and I would do it again if I could. I took care of him until he didn't need to take care of him anymore, until he realized what he wanted and needed in his life. When I saw him in concert, making eyes at and then kissing Jaejin onstage, I knew that he’d be okay without me, but I wasn’t sure and I’m still not sure if I’ll be okay without him.

♪♪♪♪♪  
  
**Trying Again**

lyrics by: Kim Jaejoong  
composed by: Kim Jaejoong, Kim Jungmo  
arranged by: Kim Jaejoong, Kim Jungmo  
drums: Cho Siwon  
bass: Lee Jaejin  
guitar: Kim Jungmo  
lead vocals: Kim Jaejoong

looking up from the bottom  
the light is bright  
staring into the soul  
it’s darkening  
cold

looking through the bottom  
the world is warped  
staring into the mind  
it’s frustrating  
weak

battered broken, still chained down  
trying again  
trying again  
beaten busted, tumbling down  
trying again  
trying again

looking down on the way up  
it isn’t so bad  
staring into intentions  
it’s promising  
firm

battered broken falling down  
trying again  
trying again  
beaten busted tumbling down  
trying again  
trying again

sleeping lying hurting cheating  
screaming dying pleading churning  
sorry baby forgive me please  
trying again  
trying again  
it’s getting better I promise please  
trying again  
trying again

looking down from the top  
these hands are strong  
staring at the drop  
it’s alluring  
tempting

battered broken fixing up  
trying again  
trying again  
bean busted looking up  
trying again  
trying again  
wounded healing cleaning up  
trying again  
trying again  
caught love and holding up  
trying again  
trying again


End file.
